Prank of the Quarter: Fall 2004

HALLOWEEN PRANK

PONCE DRACULA: FOUNTAIN OF BLOOD
So one of your city's elected officials has tried to suck the life out of you, much
like a vampire.

They're old and they've forgotten what it was like to be young. Young, like
the first time they were on the rag.

Well bite 'em back and give 'em a reminder. Buy economy sized powered
Jell-o mix. We're talking the bulk-buy deals.

Then go to a city owned fountain display like the one
downtown or in the park. Pour all of the powered red cherry Jell-o mix into the top of the
fountain. You may get wet but it will be well worth it as the beautiful fountain of water
transforms to a lovely tint of blood red.

Call yourself PONCE DRACULA because you've just discovered the
FOUNTAIN OF BLOOD. --- HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!


ELECTION 2004 PRANK
CAM-PAIN: THE LESSER OF TWO EVILS
So it's election year. A year of lies, broken promises and cover-ups.
You may not be voting for the best of two evils (or even voting at all)
but you certainly don't want the evilest candidate to win, so here's
how you can do your part. (For his crimes against humanity and all of
the lies he told to the American people about the war
we will use George W. Bush as our example of the evilest of two evils.)

Hire yourself as a self-proclaimed "Re-elect George W. Bush" volunteer.

All you need is a telephone or cell phone and a phone book (like your local
white pages.) Open up the directory and at random, start making your calls
at a time when it will be most annoying for someone to receive a phone call,
between 12am-4am at night. Always remember to
dial *67 to keep the person you're calling from getting your telephone number
or name off of their caller I.D. box.

When someone picks up the phone say, "Hi.
I'm Jack Mydealonyou (any fake name will do) calling for the Re-elect George W. Bush
Campaign and George W. Bush wants your vote for president this November 2nd."

Be creative and have fun. (Your call will be taken more seriously if you're
polite and you pretend that you don't understand why they're so upset that you're calling
so late at night.) Though, it really doesn't matter what you say after the first
sentence because all they're going to remember is that a call by that "god damned Re-elect
George W. Bush Campaign" disturbed their sleep in the middle of the night and
they will be compelled to vote for the lesser of two evils.

Remember, if an answering machine picks up, you can always leave a message but
disguise your voice.

You can do this for city council incumbents as well.

BONUS PRANK:
A RAPE FOR A RAPE
This prank is for entertainment purposes only. We do not condone
any such practices...but we can't stop you if you do this prank.

So a certain elected official has banned your favorite band from
playing his town. He has raped your rights and the rights of "We the
People."

Find out the home address of this elected official. It's not hard and
it's all public record. In fact, most elected officials are
conveniently listed in the phone book along with their home addresses.

Next, get one of those hardcore S&M bondage magazines with the "companion/
dating/In-Search-Of" classified sections at a hardcore porno shop.

In the companion & dating sections, place an ad that states, "I am
a BiWM (Bi-sexual White Male) with a rape fantasy. I want several
"Teddy Bear Gay Males" to come to my home and rape me. I will act and
play the part of resisting your advances but DO NOT STOP under any
circumstances. No means yes. The more men the better. PLEASE FULFILL MY
GAY RAPE FANTASY!"

Leave his real name and home address and preferred time of rape.

When that train gets done laying their tracks, his caboose will wish he'd
never pulled into town.