Prank of the Quarter: Spring 2004:

E.T. (EVIL TELEPHONES): PHONE HOME...IF YOU CAN!

So you’re out on the road and you need to call someone but your cell phone isn't working.

You have just enough change to make the call from a Pay (out your ass) Phone so you

put your money in it and dial out. One of two things always happens. Either the person

on the other line answers, but they can't hear you because the Pay Phone isn't working

properly, or when no one on the other line answers your call and you hang up, the Pay

Phone keeps your change and you wind up paying for a call that didn't go through.

Well You Don't Have To Take This Bull Shit Anymore and here's how you do it.

Keep a bottle of Spray Foam and Super Glue in your automobile at all times. You

can purchase Spray Foam at any Home Depot or hardware store. Super Glue is even

easier to find and buy.

Next time E.T. (EVIL TELEPHONES) take your money without your call being

placed through, or you can hear the person on the other line can't hear you, fill

up the Coin Slot and Coin Return with Spray Foam. This will make sure that  no

one else will be raped by the Evil Telephone again. Your honorable deed will also

make it so that the asshole monopolistic corporation, who already charges way

too much for a simple phone call, cannot ignore the problem pay phone.

As a bonus you can Super Glue the telephone receiver to the hang up lever.

CRAP-A-CHINO

So your new boss is an ASSHOLE but he loves his coffee.

Here's what ya do.

When you get to work go to the coffee machine and bring one of the coffee filters with you to the bathroom.

Take a poop and for the last wipe use the coffee filter.

But don't flush the coffee filter down the drain with the rest of your poop.

Keep it, and sneak it back onto the top of coffee filter package for your boss to

use on the next round of coffee.

When the next batch of coffee is made you will know that

as much as it sucks to be you, it sucks far more to be him!

Dysentery with that E-coli, Sir?

Bonus Prank: POODLE LATTÉ

If you have a pet, you can save some of their excrement, let it dry

and crush it up. Then add the small granules of your pet's dry poop

into your boss' coffee tin for added flavor. Your boss will never know he's really singing,

"The Hardest Part In Waking Up, Is Pet-Poop In Your Cup!"

PAPER MACHE MONEY-SHOT MOBILE

Premix two 3-gallon buckets of water and flour. The mix

should be a little thinner than pancake batter in consistency.

Wait until late at night and go to the targets car. Then pour

the water/flour concoction all over the car. Next, place pre-ripped pages

from porno magazines all over the car. From bumper to bumper and

from top to tires.

By the time they wake up in the morning the paper mache will be dry

and they will have a lovely PAPER MACHE MONEY-SHOT MOBILE on wheels.

Bonus Prank:

So the video store pissed you off. No problem.

Wait until late at night, after 2:30pm and dump 2 gallons of Paper Mache

mix (water and flour) into the night-time Drop Off slot. All movies

returned that night will be stuck together in a diabolical paper mache

mayhem.

Make sure you wear a disguise, just in case they have video surveillance.