Summer 2002: Taliban-tan
This prank will get you a Fifth Class ticket to HELL. It's for someone who you know is a regular user of Sun block Lotion and you must have access to this person's Sun block Lotion. It's a perfect "payback" for that someone who has plagued you with some INADEQUATE deed.

First, try to get a look at the person's Sun block Lotion and take note of the color and consistency. Then buy a bottle of Sun Tan Lotion with a SPF of 2 or less that looks like the one that the asshole uses. This is basically SUN BURN ACCELERANT in a bottle.

Next pour out the Sun block Lotion and replace the liquid contents with the new Sun Tan Lotion.

You'll know it worked when the next time you see this asshole the only thing that's redder than their sunburn is your face from laughing so hard!

P.S. If this person hates Sun block and prefers to use Suntan Lotion then replace the bottle's contents with Elmer's Glue (if their lotion is white and creamy) or use Coconut Oil if their Suntan Lotion is coconut/oil based.

Spring 2002: Our Sewer Secret!
So its getting close to springtime and your best buddy is all kinds of pussy whipped over some stupid slut. He's still wearing beer goggles even though he's sober.

Better cool off his spring fever and here's how ya do it!

Take his ice-cube tray from the freezer & fill it up with toilet water. Then slide it back in the freezer. There's nothing more satisfying then knowing that at the end of the day there's self-induced toilet-water ice-cubes in his glass.

Here's a toast to Our Sewer Secret!

Winter 2001: Subscription To Revenge
So you're working for a company and one day your boss decides to fire you.

WHAT DO YOU DO???!!!

First off, GET DRUNK.
Nothing acts like a cure-all better than booze. (Remember you're not an alcoholic, you're a professional drinker.)
Next go to a bookstore and head toward the porno section. Look for the gayest gay men's magazines, the raunchier the better. Then pull out the "Free Issue" postcard sized subscriptions located inside of them.

Fill out the mailing address information on the "Free Issue" postcards with your boss's work address and make sure you put His name in the "Name" area. If you happen to know it, fill a few out with his home address too. Then pop them in the mailbox. (Most "Free Issue" postcard subscriptions are pre-stamped but if you have to, stick the necessary postage stamps on them.

In a few short weeks the mailroom at his office will be receiving magazines like "Play Girl", "Transsexual Today", "Fudge Packer's Playhouse", and "Butt Banger's Ball" with his name on it.

If your boss is a straight male he's going to be the top topic of the water-cooler talk for months to come. If your boss is really gay then he's probably in the closet and you'll be ripping those closet doors right off the hinges for him. If your boss is a female, send her magazine subscriptions like "Girls Who Like It Up The Ass".

Merry XXX-Miss & A Happy NUDE Year!

Fall 2001: Little Pig, Little Pig, LET ME IN!
So you're living with your girlfriend and one day she decides to throw all of your shit outside and has the locks changed by the time you get home.

WHAT DO YOU DO???!!!

First off, find some place else to live.
Next buy some Super Glue, preferably the thick gel kind.
Then go to her house and fill all of her key holes up with Super Glue. Start with her house keyhole, then Super Glue her car keyholes and her backdoor keyhole.
The moral of the story is if you can't get in, then neither can she.

Summer 2001 Prank: Poop Pizza
Son Bitch! Your roommate is moving out and that mother-fucker gave you no warning or notice! Panic, rage and uncertainty race through your mind because bills are due in a few weeks or worse, they're already due! Be cool and calm on the outside. We're talking poker-faced cool. Here's what to do.

Order a pizza from your now ex-roommate's favorite pizza delivery joint and get his/her favorite toppings on it.
Now go to the bathroom and poop in a container.
When the pizza arrives, strategically hide tiny bits-n-pieces of your poop under the pepperoni, mushrooms or sausage throughout the pizza.
Transform pepperoni into poop-eroni. Make Italian Sausage into mouthwatering Italian Shitage. You get the idea.
Then as a peace offering for no hard feelings, share your freshly delivered pizza with your (ex) roommate.
Poop Pizza is a great way to get even. They'll never see it coming and with every sticky-sweet bite that they take, you know Poop Pizza has never tasted so good!

BONUS Summer 2001 Prank: Hambugger Helper
Damn it! That slut cheated on me! So what do you do?

Make her dinner. Candle light, the works.

What you'll need is some Hamburger Helper and some ground beef. If your honey is on a diet then use low-fat ground turkey. NO, scratch that. If your honey's on a diet tell her you're using ground turkey and really use ground beef mixed with extra oil. (Hehe.)

Now take your ground beef and leave it outside, overnight, partially uncovered in a see-through bowl. In the morning creep up to the bowl and quickly cover it (locking in all the natural goodness.)

The natural goodness we're referring to are all the bugs, roaches and insects that have conjugated onto the meat that you left outside.

Now stick the bug-infested meat into a blender and mix. Follow the directions on the Hamburger Helper box and cook your darling's dinner to perfection.
When she comes home to this delicious candle-lit dinner that you've prepared ever so graciously she'll be gobbling down Hambugger Helper like never before.

Spring 2001 Prank: EVIL EGG HUNT
So in a few days it will be Easter Sunday. Yellow peeps, chocolate bunnies and even pastel colored candy corn (blasphemy) will adorn many a household. Well wouldn't you rather have a Beaster Sunday? Of course you would and here's how.

This month's prank is called Evil Egg Hunt. What you'll need is a couple of dozen eggs and some Easter egg dye. 1st dye the eggs, nice and Easter-like. DO NOT boil the eggs. Keep them raw. Then leave them outside in the hot sun for a couple of days (or weeks) so the insides get rotten and STINKY! Now
it's time to transform traditional Easter Egg Hunts into more humorous Evil Egg Hunts.
On the night before Easter Sunday, preferable around 3a.m. go around town to churches and places where you know there will be an organized Easter Egg Hunt and hide your pretty colored, rotten eggs in places where you know they'll be easily found. Hide them in bushes, near trees, you've got the idea. When
those church-going geeks get home wearing their Sunday Best's and with a bounty of freshly found Easter Eggs, under their arms, they'll be ready to glutton their bellies with those delicious hard-boiled delights but little do they know, your Evil Eggs aren't boiled. Not only that but your Evil Eggs are
also spoiled rotten inside. When they crack open that rotten Evil Egg it's going to splatter a stench so stinky that they'll never touch another egg again. Note: If you've ever smelled a rotten egg then you know it's the worst smell in the world. This terrible smell lingers forever, even on the skin and it
won't wash off. The best way to describe this stench is it smells like the dirtiest, stickiest, never been washed or douched pussy in the world. So have a Happy Beaster and Happy Evil Egg Hunting!

PRANK Of The Quarter: Winter2000
Oily Head & Shoulders

This prank will do great for getting even with that asshole parent, sibling or roommate because you'll need easy access into their bathroom. All you need is a bottle of Wesson Oil.

Go into the asshole's bathroom when they're not home and locate the shampoo he or she uses. Add the Wesson Oil to the shampoo bottle and gently shake. The amount of oil you need to use is about 25% of the total amount that's still left in the bottle. If it's a virgin (not opened) bottle of shampoo then just pour out quarter of it and add a quarter amount of Wesson Oil. When that asshole washes his or her filthy cranium their hair will be greaser than a case of Anal Ease!

Note: It's best to do this prank on a weekday so they don't have the weekend to wash it out. Oh yes. It will take many moons to de-grease those fully lubricated follicles.

BONUS PRANK: Sasquatch Body Mist
So your girlfriend keeps taking her PMS out on you. What on Earth did you ever do to deserve this Living Hell? Well you're not gonna take it anymore, so what do ya do? Don't get mad. Get even!

If she's like most chicks she's got a bottle of Body Spray that she sprays all over herself after a nice shower or bath. If she doesn't then you'll need to give her one as a gift to get the ball rolling. Mention how great she smells when she wears her Body Spray or when she first uses your gift Body Spray bottle. You want her using her Body Spray every day, if she doesn't all ready.

For this next prank you'll need cash and patience.

You'll need a six month supply of a hair grow ointment like Rogaine which you can get at any pharmacy without a prescription. Dump over half of the real Body Spray down the drain. Replace the missing liquid by pouring in a bottle of Rogaine Hair Grow ointment into the Body Spray. It's that simple. If she's using it everyday Wookie-results should take place in about 1-3 months.

Now it's just a matter of time till she's being mistaken for Big Foot or Chewbacca and the only thing you need to say when she's being a PMSing cunt is "Gooney Goo-Goo  you Hairy Bitch!"

Prank of the Quarter: Fall 2000
Fiberglass Cotton Candy
Here's one for all of you circus freaks and carnival geeks. I don't know about you but when I think of fairs, circuses or carnivals, two things come to mind: rides and cotton candy. We'll leave the tampering of the rides to the carnies but as for the Cotton Candy, well, that's where you come in and here's what you'll need to do.

Go to Home Depot and buy a bag of Owens Corning PINK Fiberglass Insulation. You know the type, the one with the anorexic pink panther on it. Get the kind that's un-faced and comes in 2' x 4' pieces. (Un-faced means that it doesn't have any paper backing on it.) Also get a pair of thick gloves, a sharp utility knife, a stapler and paper plates.

First roll up the paper plates into a long, thin flask/cone shape and staple it so it holds its shape. Now put on the gloves and cut the pink fiberglass into 1' x 1' pieces. Mold one piece of fiberglass around the top of the cone into the shape of sweet delicious Cotton Candy. Next, staple it to hold its shape. Continue this procedure 'til you've run out of fiberglass. Now put all of your Cotton Candy Insulation into a big ol' bag, go to your nearest carnival or circus and pass out your Cotton Candy Fiberglass Insulation to all the toothless Hee-Haws your rotten little heart desires. If you're extra insane you'll dress up like a carnie or clown and charge them for it! And Cotton Candy Fiberglass Insulation isn't just limited to circuses. You can pass it out at baseball games, parades or even weddings. Ummmmmy!